I could have been a cult leader
I mean, come on. Look into those crazy ass eyes and tell me there isn’t cult leader potential there. Those eyes say, “Hey man. How’s it going? Tell me about yourself. Oh yeah. Well gosh, let me tell you…There’s something out there, man. And it’s big. You know what? I’ve got some literature for you. Oh yeah, you should come hang out with me and my ‘friends’ and I think you’d feel a lot better about things. Really open your mind to some new thoughts and experiences” (creepy wink). Then I’d have a ton of pseudo-science and illogical surrealist spirituality to throw out there to really confuse people into thinking…”Well, I don’t know what he’s talking about but he seems so happy. Almost euphoric. I want some of that. Sure let’s go back to your compound in the woods and hang out with your ‘friends’.” That’s how that goes…
Sarah and I figured this out on the first day of our road trip. Even if I couldn’t be a full fledged leader of a cult (you just have to always be on), I could definitely be an evangelical member that sat somewhere around middle-management. Sarah is actually the reason that I am not yet sipping that sweet spiked kool-aid or cleaning out the barrel of an AK-47. She is what you’d call a skeptic while I’m the opposite of that. Google says the antonym of a skeptic is a theist but I think some terms that fit me better might be things like gullible, impulsive, dope. Nicer vocabulary would be stuff like credulous, trustful, etc. Pick whatever you want or google it yourself. Whatever, back to the cult…
Sarah gets nervous sometimes when we watch cult documentaries. Most of the documentaries start slow showing a group of people living in harmony. Then they show a few actions that make you say “okay, here comes the weird” and then they pay it off. For me though, I always get to episode 4 or 5 and I’m ready to stop watching. I look over at Sarah and I say something like “what’s the problem here? This looks like an amazing way to live.”
This is what happened with Wild, Wild Country, which was a great look at the Rajneeshpuram community in Oregon. Two episodes in, I was entrigued. Three episodes in, I was packing my bags. Four episodes in, I was in the car waiting for the family to show up. Sarah had the kids locked down inside yelling, “just wait for the next episode. It’s all going to unravel soon. The payoff is coming! Also, this cult disbanded in the 90s.”
I don’t want to see the payoff. I just want them to continue living in harmony. Then I really get into it. “You know what doesn’t make a thrilling documentary? A cult that just goes on living in harmony with nature without all the weird stuff. There’s probably tons of cults out there that are just living their best lives without all the weird stuff or just like some weird stuff that’s acceptable to all the members.” You see, I’m already drawn in. If a documentary can do it, certainly a happenstance introduction in a campground bathroom could seal the deal.
So you could look at this one of two ways. Either Sarah is saving me from myself and those hungry recruiters that I seem to run into everywhere from the Parthenon in Nashville to the short mountains of Hiawassee or she’s keeping me from reaching my full potential. I guess it’s subjective but for the sake of our relationship, I’ll say it’s the first.
Last year, we visited the Parthenon in Nashville. The kids didn’t seem very interested in the building but they dug the playground across the street. Marnie in particular seemed moved by the pamphlet that a cultish group handed out to the tourists. Particularly the part about the world coming to an end due to an asteroid…in the next year. It’s funny to laugh at now but those fucking zealots cost me about 2 hours of Q&A time on the trip last year.
As we drove through Nashville yesterday, we reminisced on the silly believers and then thought, “Ha, remember that cult that handed out the pamphlets about the world ending on the road trip last year? Haha. Crazy bastards. Right…huh…well, the world isn’t ending necessarily but they weren’t far off…”
So I think cults get a bad wrap for a number of reasons. First, the bad ones have ruined it for all the good ones (does anyone know of a good one?). Second, let’s face it. Cult + Time = Religion and religions are held to a much higher regard simply because they have massive memberships. Third, cults are everywhere outside of the religious realm. They are in our corporate organizations disguised as mission statements and culture. They are in the massive brands that we line up to become a part of (think Nike and Apple). They are popping up on Youtube shifting people into extreme political spectrums. Is overwhelming belief in those things a bad thing? Maybe overwhelming belief in anything can be a good or bad thing.
Anyway, like any sweeping generalization I’m working hard on changin my POV on cults. And who knows, maybe next time we meet up I’ll have some cool books to help you with your life. Doing my best Jerry McGuire…
“Who’s coming with me? Come on. Who’s coming with me?”
Thanks for reading! Power to the people! Love you guys!
Chris
PS: I’m writing this from an RV park north of St. Louis. I do believe this could be a great recruiting ground.
PPS: My next post is going to be about a movie called American Honey. It’s my new favorite movie since my favorite movie changes every time I see a fantastic movie. My last was Parasite. American Honey will be part 2 in this focus on cultish behavior.
